9-Identity Identifiers

Identity identifies. That is its simple nature. Identity identifies with beliefs or subtle thoughts that aren't recognized as beliefs. The ego/identity identifies all day long. First and foremost, it identifies with itself. Then it identifies with a multitude of beliefs that define it. Each individual identification is a belief. It identifies with feelings and thoughts such as fear or sadness. It identifies with the past. It identifies with the roles it plays. It identifies with possessions. The list goes on and on. There are so many things that identity identifies with to go through them all and examine them all is way beyond the scope of this blog. An entire book could be written on it. The ego/identity defines itself with identifying. It does this all day long all life long unless it is consciously stopped.

How do you define yourself. What are 20 definitions that you identify yourself by? You might list your personality, body, and mind which are legitimate definitions but to come up with 20 definitions, you're going to come up with things that are unique to you that differentiate you from other people. Let's use a man for example. For a man, you might say you're a teacher, a husband and a father which are also true, but what does it mean to be those things? You have definitions of those things as well. Those are roles you play. You might be a CEO of a huge corporation and that is how you act and define yourself at work. Then you come home and you define yourself as a husband and a father and you act accordingly. You are a different person at work than you are at home. The people at work see a different person than the one your wife and children see at home – at least that's usually the case. At work you need to act differently than the way you act with your wife because you're in charge at work and your employees need to follow your decisions, requests and orders. At home, you probably have to follow your wife's decisions and her orders. As a father, you can't treat your child the same way you would treat someone at work that didn't follow through with your requests or decisions. We play different roles for different situations and those roles are major identifiers.

Who are you when you're by yourself and you aren't playing a role? That's probably an entirely different person all together. There's no need to play a role when you are by yourself. You're not being a CEO, husband or father. You may still consider yourself to be those things but your behavior doesn't need to represent them so you act naturally which can be very different from the roles you play. You only play those roles when your behavior needs to represent them according to other people. You don't always perceive yourself to be all those things at once. You might be a completely different person on the golf course with your buddies. So what's with the act? Your ego is playing the character that is required at that time in the play of your life. It's a portrayal of yourself and is rarely genuine, if ever, if you're playing a role. Your golf buddies probably have an entirely different definition of you than the people at work and that is the way you want it so you play those different roles, but who is playing those different roles. It's your self-perceived identity. You're one person at one time and then another person another time. You aren't locked into being one type of person all the time. Your self adapts to the situation even though you still identify with those definitions of yourself. We commonly identify ourselves with the roles we play. Are you really a CEO? (Maybe you're Meg Whitman and a woman.) What happens when you retire. Are you a retired CEO and if so, how is your behavior going to match that definition? So, are you your behavior? How could you be your behavior when so much of it is an act and doesn't even represent who you think you are?

We usually consider our behavior a big factor in who we perceive our self to be but we aren't aware of it except when we see it as our personality. We identify very strongly with our behavior and especially our past behavior. Identifying with our past behavior can cause us to continue that behavior even though it is something we'd rather not do. By considering it a part of our identity, we behave accordingly. That's one reason old habits are so hard to break. But our behavior is variable and we behave entirely different in different situations with the roles we play. We can't be our behavior if our behavior is constantly changing. At work you might be a demanding jerk but at home you're a loving parent or spouse. So what is it? Are you both a jerk and a loving person. No, you're most likely a loving person that acts like a jerk at work. You are most likely more genuine with your spouse and children. You play more of a disingenuous role at work. So what is the authentic you that doesn't change? How authentic are you with your spouse? Do you sometimes want to be that powerful demanding person you are at work when your wife says that you're going to the Ballet? You don't act that way because it will cause conflict. You act another way and that isn't genuine either—it is a role. It isn't even your ego. It's all a phony act.

Stop identifying and you pretty much stop the ego dead in its tracks. The fundamental identifier of the ego is itself. It identifies itself as being the self. It is responsible for its own existence by identifying with identity – the paradox continues. Its belief in itself is the whole purpose in identifying with so many other things. It needs to uphold that belief. It justifies that belief with identifying beliefs. Those identifying beliefs form the ego/identity and they need to be continuously renewed and reinforced because of the uncertain nature of beliefs. Remember, beliefs aren't facts and there are always other possibilities with a belief. Beliefs are just thoughts. How can you be a thought anyway?

Identifiers are attachments. We attach our identity to them. We associate with them. We associate with them through the belief we have of them. Attachments can take all kinds of forms and they often cause problems in our lives. Our beliefs are attachments. Our perception of a situation or circumstance can be an attachment. Attachment requires importance – a belief in importance either good or bad. All identifiers are simply beliefs of identity. Attachments identify the ego and reinforce it and validate it. The entire nature of attachment is limiting however as it maintains the ego. 

Many attachments cause major problems in our lives. Unfounded fears are attachments. Fears cause major, I mean major, problems in our lives. A lot of people govern their lives by their fears. For example, some people feel naked without a gun on their belt. Talk about an attachment! For some people, a gun is like an added appendage that they can't leave home without. They see a potential threat everywhere. They don't want any gun control laws because they fear the government is going to take away their guns. Some of these people have numerous guns. They can't imagine life without them. Guns are an extremely significant part of their lives and identity. They'd be lost without their guns and it all comes down to fear. They are attached and identify with their fear. And that fear has led to other attachments and a whole perspective about safety and guns. Many gun enthusiasts revolve their entire political philosophy around guns and gun control. Talk about a limiting attachment indeed! Nearly their entire perspective revolves around guns and it all comes down to their base fear.

Fear is a really common identifier and doesn't just apply to gun owners. Fear of death can cause a person to be deeply religious and govern their life according to those beliefs that relieve their fear. It's interesting that many religious people are gun enthusiasts as well. It's ironic that their religious beliefs can cause more fear. They actually fear God himself. They act with self perceived morality because of the fear of hell or punishment from God. They are attached to fear and it governs their life. Their life revolves around it. They attach the same fearful attributes of man to God. Why would God punish us? Is he such a petty tyrant and dictator that if we don't believe the way he demands us to believe that he is going to put us through excruciating torture of the worst kind that our fear can imagine for all eternity? That's a pretty egotistical God. Sounds like something that an ego such as Stalin or Hitler would do. That's called ego projection and we'll get to that later.

So, now that I've managed to offend at least half the population of America. I might as well go into politics and offend the other half. That's one thing I loved about George Carlin. He tended to offend everyone and it was because he told the truth and people don't want to hear the truth so they get offended. Maybe I'll hold off on politics right now and just say that political beliefs are other major identifiers. Are you a liberal, conservative, progressive, Libertarian, Republican, Democrat, etc.? Both religion and politics are great examples of beliefs that identify us and are some of the strongest tightly held self-righteous beliefs we have.

We can remove an attachment by stopping the identification with it – by not considering it a part of ourselves. If it is something we enjoy such as a sports activity, we don't need to give up the activity, we just stop identifying with it as a definition of ourselves. Instead of being a skier, you are someone that skies and enjoys skiing. There is no need to identify with it. You're only a skier when you ski. This is the same for many identifiers and there is no need for you to identify with them. Identifying with them just strengthens the ego and justifies it. I know many people that ski who consider themselves as skiers first and foremost. Being a skier is a major identifier to them. Not only do they consider themselves to be skiers, they consider themselves to be excellent skiers and are very proud of being excellent skiers. Their identity is attached to skiing. They hang out with a group of other excellent skiers and talk about what excellent skiers they are.

Sports are often identifiers and it is very common for an athlete or participant of a sport to identify with it. In fact, egos are often very pronounced with many athletes because they identify so strongly with the sport they play or do. Each time they step on the court or field they are proving their ego. It's no longer a game for fun. It's a competition of who is better than who. Which ego is better. It is commonplace for a good athlete to have a very strong ego or be “full” of himself (egotistical) because his ego has been proven through his sport that he is better than most. We've all seen that in the jocks in high school and many professional athletes. The ego loves to be better than others and in sports it gets to prove it. There's nothing the ego wants more than being better than others and when it gets to prove it, it revels in itself. This is the direct result of the inherent insecurity within the ego. Being “right” is an example of that as well. When all my skiing buddies got so serious and made a competition out of skiing, it lost it's fun for me. Even though I was a better skier than most, trying to prove it wasn't any fun. My identity wasn't so wrapped up in skiing even though I enjoyed it immensely. I could do it by myself and have a great time. I had nothing to prove. I didn't identify myself as a skier and wasn't attached to it. I no longer live where I can ski and I don't miss it because I'm not attached to it and when I do get a chance to ski, I enjoy it even more.

Even in golf, which is a sport like skiing where your performance has no impact on the other participant's performance, the ego has devised a way for the ego to be better. It's called betting. Golfing has such a wide range of talent levels that it isn't fair to compete just on talent alone. A fair way had to be devised to determine the best golfer for the day so the handicap system was developed so all golfers could compete with each other. It isn't enough just to play the game and compete with your own past performance, the ego needs to be able to prove it is better than others if even only for that day. I have a friend that enjoys golf way more than I do. Golf is way too frustrating to me and I haven't played it in years, but my friend enjoys golf so much that she doesn't even bother to keep score. She keeps score on each individual hole as she plays it, but never tallies up her score at the end of a round. Her ego isn't attached to golfing and she doesn't even need to know her score to enjoy it. Her performance hardly matters to her. She just enjoys it. That way she enjoys it much more than I do because my performance matters to me, or at least it did when I last played. I identified with my performance. My friend doesn't.

Identifiers limit you in so many ways and, as I've shown above, they can limit your experiences in life. They limit your entire experience of life. They limit your experience of yourself and others. The identifiers you use for yourself cause you to define other people as well. They are the basis for a lot of your judgment of others. They are the basis for judgments about experiences you have. Your definitions of yourself and others completely alters your perception of everything—including you.

Take a look at these identifiers. Which ones apply to you? I bet a lot of them. Consider them carefully and see how they identify you.

Personality

Accomplishments

Physical abilities

Ailments

Past/Personal History

Age

Possessions/Car/Clothes/House/Toys

Money/Rich/Poor/Middle class/Destitute

Education

Knowledge

Body/Appearance/ Looks/Presentation/Weight/Strength/health/ etc.

Job/Profession/Title/Trade

Likes and Dislikes/Preferences

Emotions/Feelings

Emotional Problems or issues.

Roles/Spouse/Parent/Friend/Significant other, Sibling

         A sub-group of its own its so extensive. Many identifiers are roles.

         Soccer mom, Athlete, Fan, Student, Victim, Martyr, Troubled, Responsible, etc. 

Associates/Friends/Clubs/Groups/Family

          The people you choose to spend time with.

Pets/Animals

Expertise

Intelligence/Degree of intelligence

Opinions

Others' opinions of you. Big one!

Activities/Hobbies/Interests-- Artist, Golfer, Woodworker, Etc.

Thoughts/Ideas/Mind

Attitude/Perspective

Personal evaluations

Mind/Memory

Demeanor

Mistakes

Judgments

Reactions

Faults

Fears

Health

Politics

Religion

Beliefs!

Love

Feel free to add to this list by leaving a message below.

All of these identifiers involve some form of belief. How can you be composed of beliefs? You can't. You don't have to identify with any of these things; nor do you have to relinquish them, but some of them you clearly should. Why define yourself so extensively? What is the point in doing that? What purpose does it serve? If you stop identifying it frees you from those attributes if you choose to be free of them. If you're a sports fan, you can keep on being a sports fan, you just don't identify yourself as being a sports fan. You don't consider that to be a part of your identity. It doesn't define you.

What is the point of the ego identifying? So it can be your ego/identity and that's what the ego/identity wants. It wants to be something special. Why? Because the ego knows deep down that it isn't something special. The ego often flaunts many things and hides  others that it doesn't want people to know what it really thinks about itself. Identity usually only presents the good side. The ego has a lot of secrets – A LOT! A great way to take power and control away from the ego is to be honest and humble. That's why the meek shall inherit the earth. It will all be theirs. If they choose to identify, they can identify with everything.

The ego/identity wants to control and keep its attention on its self. One way it does this is with the constant internal dialogue when it is talking to itself. What a great way to keep its attention on its self. It's brilliant! What could work better to keep its focus on itself than talking to itself? Sometimes it even responds to itself or asks a question of itself. By talking to itself, it is constantly identifying with itself. Meditation is an excellent way to learn and practice not doing this. Meditation focuses your attention with concentration away from the self in your mind—away from your thoughts and internal dialogue. It is a focusing of attention and the only thing that focus has to be on is your breath. When you are entirely focused on something besides your mind, thoughts and chatter, you lose awareness of your self/identity. You stop identifying. Entertainment does this. If something is very entertaining, we lose ourselves in it. People love to be entertained. It's as if we have a need or desire to lose ourselves. We actually enjoy losing awareness of our self. If we have something that needs all of our attention for concentration, like a math problem, we lose awareness of ourselves while solving the problem. All of our attention is on the math problem. We do this rather frequently throughout our day, but we spend much more time talking to ourselves and that talking is a constant identification process.

To lose our selves can be very relaxing. It actually takes a lot of energy to continuously identify. Meditation helps us to take our focus off ourselves not only when we are meditating, but throughout our day. If you want to stop identifying, at least with the negative aspects you believe about yourself, learn to meditate and control your focus and attention. If something is bothering you, take your focus off it and it will disappear. It may come back later but the more you take your focus off it, the less power it will have and eventually stop bothering you. Each time it comes back you will slowly have a different perception of it. A solution to the problem may come to you or you might just see that it is no longer important. Dwelling on it gives it more power. Identifying with it gives it all kinds of power. If you don't like something about yourself, quit identifying with it -- quit considering it a part of yourself. It's just a belief anyway. Maybe it's a belief that you have acted out, but it is still a belief. Replace it with an opposing belief. I'm not talking about an affirmation or something similar. Affirmations just tend to reaffirm the old beliefs unless you genuinely believe them. If you genuinely believe an affirmation, then it can work great but you have to genuinely  believe them. If you identify with another belief that contradicts that old belief and you genuinely believe it, then by all means, continually affirm it. Make it a genuine belief in your belief system if it frees you and helps you grow and learn. That's what I was referring to as un-limiting beliefs. The trick is that you may have to weaken the old belief first by not thinking about it and taking your attention off it and making it less important by seeing it as nothing more than a belief.

I'm going to stop here because this is already a very long post and like I said, an entire book could be written on identifying and there probably is. If not, maybe that will be my next project. I'll just say that if you feel the need to identify, forget all the other crap and identify with your love and your Conscious Awareness.